Gay Man Code

This year celebrates 50 years since the partial decriminalisation of homosexuality in the UK. Since 1967, the UK has led the way with equality, however there are some ground rules.

To be a proper ‘Friend of Dorothy’ , please observe the following code at all times:

  1. You will forever refer to Deirdre Barlow as ‘Deirdre Rachid’.
  2. ‘I am what I am’ is your national anthem…and you lip sync with pride at the dramatic and timely key change.
  3. You will have Cher’s back until the grave.

4. You will spontaneously find the urge to stop everything and say …………

I'm Liesl. I'm 16 years old, and I don't need a governess.


5. The quotes of your life are provided by Linda La Hughes and RuPaul.

6. You sent a tweet to check Madonna was ok after her horrific demise at the Brit Awards.

7. When someone tells you, you’re not their mother, you hastily respond…’ YESSS III AAMMMMMM!’

8. You chuckle when someone asks if you are a giver or a taker and reply….”It’s top and bottom darling.”

9. You know all the words to ‘I dreamed a dream’ from Les Miserables.

10. When you want a wall knocking down, you just get a lesbian to lean against it.

11. Getting on a bus is almost as unforgivable as shopping in Matalan.

12. You will travel  to Mecca, Gran Canaria at least once in your lifetime.

13. Your kitchen is filled with chrome.

14. You refer to Bet Lynch as a fashion icon.

15. You think Ed Sheehan is like poppers…over-rated.

16. You remember how shit ‘Gaydar’ was.

17. You think David Gest was a closet…for marrying Liza with a Z.

18.You think this is the gayest picture ever  …and want to hang it in your living room.

19. When you shop for say the word ‘couture’ at least 100 times an hour

20. You think Donald Trump is a c**t

21. When you leave the supermarket with your man…it is always appropriate to say (in the style of Meryl Streep);  “Do you remember where we parked the car?”

22. When deciding your favourite X Factor is only EVER between Nicole Scherzinger and Dannii Minogue.

23. Your favourite film is ‘Beautiful Thing’.

24. You can’t watch Beaches or Steel Magnolias without scrying (sing -crying)

25. You sky plus ‘Long Lost Families’ so that you can have a good sob.

26. As much as you love Holly Willoughby, you resent her for stealing Cilla’s spot on ‘Surprise Surprise’.

27. You instantly recognised when Pat Butcher wore the same earrings twice.

28. ‘Steptacular’  is the soundtrack to your life.

29. You signed the petition to kill Fenner off in Bad Girls, after what he did to Yvonne Atkins.

30.. You do not, and have never owned a pair of crocs.


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35 thoughts on “Gay Man Code

  1. Thank you for my first laugh of the day. Admitting I love I dreamed a dream. No to crocs also. Have to say I take the bus and it can be an experience you might want to think about. FYI always go to the back that is where I’ll be sitting for your experience.

  2. I love the scrying, too! I can’t honestly say I’ve ever done that, which makes me think there may be something wrong with me. . . 🙂 I love that picture from #18. I do want to hang it in my living room. This post definitely left me smiling!

  3. This is so fabulous. As others have already commented Trump can suck my (nonexistent) nuts. Also, scrying is so perfect in so many ways, and I will be carrying it into my everyday life.

  4. I bloody love this & literally agree with every single one. RuPaul & Bet Lynch 4ever. Oh and Dannii is my favourite judge. And I’m stealing the phrase “scrying”.

    1. Scrying is definitely a thing! Especially at the end of Beaches… your in bits, but you still need to belt out “Wind beneath my wings” Bette Midler stylee!

  5. *laughs ar*e off* – A fair few of these count for queer chicks as well 😉 #JustSaying

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