Call The Village Band Out……

……Matt writes a post

I haven’t graced your news feeds for a few weeks. I have been on secondment to MI5 in an effort to eradicate the sale of leggings from the British public and banish the camel toe forever.

If only…

Truth is, work has been bat-shit crazy, leaving only sufficient time in my schedule to consume large Gin and Tonics and fall asleep to Rylan’s dulcet tones as he interrogates another Big Brother evictee. Recently I have also embarked on a healthy regime… well the idea of one at least. I’ll start again tomorrow. Today I thought I would take a little look over the last few weeks and recap on my ‘mardis gras’ exciting social life…this will be a short post.

  1. Starstruck on a work do

The annual Senior leadership gathering began with a large gin and tonic in a swanky hotel in Hampshire. As I delivered my Louis Vuitton overnight bag to the bell-boy ( Primark £12.99), I spotted a new guy in a crisp suit and shiny shoes, that looked really familiar.  One of those popular guys that everyone wants to talk to, he swanned through as the girls swooned.

I know him…I insisted. Despite everybody calling him Bradley Cooper, I knew I had seen him before.

After the conference and before dinner, one of my colleagues informed me that the ‘Bradley Cooper’ lookalike, was in fact a retired actor.

“Do you know the film Beautiful Thing?” she asked

“Of course”, I said…as the penny finally dropped. It is only the gayest film of all time…an institution in fact.

“Well he played Jamie”

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

Now this will mean absolutely nothing to anyone other than gay men..age range 25-40, but this was big news. I WORK WITH JAMIE FROM BEAUTIFUL THING   (Glen Berry)…..RANDOM!

 

2) The British Grand Prix

I was lucky enough to win tickets to the Grand Prix in Silverstone. I must admit that I am not the biggest formula one fan, but Im adaptable and I love anything that involves cheering on a Brit, practising my curtsey and singing ‘God Save the Queen’. I arrived in style after borrowing an F-Type Jaguar for the weekend and like the mild mannered Jessie that I am…I made a picnic.

It was a fantastic today and as well as watching the race, we were treated to Rick Parfitt Junior (If you don’t mind), and a chance to gawp at the interesting sights that is the Great British ‘unwashed’.  We sat down on our traditional picnic blankets, cracked open the prosecco surrounded by rowdy Irish men…of the travelling variety when I spotted her.

Yes….Yvonne Atkins back from the dead ready to shoot a reprieve of ‘Bad Girls’  Its 2017, I thought and I am sat behind a women with a mullet….yes a mullet!  God help me.

  

3) Musical Trip down Memory Lane

Last week, a friend tagged me into a Facebook post. She had found an old CD from the DJ of Spritzers, our local gay bar from 1998. As I gasped and wowed at the musical profferings, it sparked me to recreate this CD (and some) into it’s 2017 form…an iTunes playlist. If you are in your mid to late thirties, this one may be for you.

Spritzers Playlist

4)Spinning

As I write this, I am recovering from my 1st attempt at a healthy regime. This morning I joined the sadomasochistic elite of morons that do spinning…..what the actual fuck! I have just endured 45 minutes of pure hell with no escape. I chose the bike, furthest away from the door…so even If I wanted to slip away, I would have had to clamber over 40 other sweaty bloaters all pedalling away to a high energy version of a Whitney Houston classic. I came out of the room, headed for the shower and promptly fell to my knees as I contemplated the nigh on impossible task of removing my damp clothes.

 

Time to book another holiday!  What have you been up to this summer?

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12 thoughts on “Call The Village Band Out……

  1. I don’t know what your talking about but I’m in full support of eradicating camel toe. Chelsea Handler coined the term “camel balls” for men. Lol!

  2. Thanks for the info on ‘Jamie’ – just googled him. Was nice to find out what has happened to him, although he should be in Hollywood doing some of Bradley’s movies. Also glad that I can sneak into the age group of 24 – 40 on film knowledged grounds. 😉
    I hope the health regime takes and becomes a bit less hell 🙂

  3. Glad you are back and it is always time for another holiday. My next “holiday” is coming up when other people at the office take theirs and I’m left one or two less people around.

  4. Welcome back! I laughed out loud on the Spinning bit and scared my dog. 🙂

  5. Well, welcome back, Matt. Sounds as if you’ve been more busy than The Queen. I think she’s rather found of Gin as well. 🤔
    As for spinning, I’ll stick to doing some dad dancing to Kylie’s version. 😀
    Love Beautiful Thing. The only film that made me cry. I was cutting onions at the time.

  6. What is this holiday thing that you mention? Is there were you shove some of your most important stuff in a bag with handles, get on public transportation to a fabulous random location, then get all stressed out when your stuff goes in the opposite direction?

    I guess you could call it a holiday that I’ll be taking the day off work on the 21st of August to photograph the near-total eclipse here in the States. I toyed with the idea of traveling closer to the center part of the US to catch the full thing in a camera, but **see above disclaimer about airlines**

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