Summer Fails

Over the last few days Britain has had a period of ‘tropical weather’, which is heading for the hottest June in the UK in 20 years! Undoubtably, despite the endless Facebook updates from ‘Wincy Willis wannabes’ explaining how hot it is….and how they can’t sleep..blah blah, it is the best time of the year!

Not just because those of us without ‘ginger skin’ can get out and have a go at a sun tan, and dine ‘al fresco’, but the overdose of vitamin D is good for your physical and mental health. Evidently the same people moaning about the hot weather are the same people whinging that it is too cold in January.

That said, I do have some complaints about some of the things I see during our ‘5 day UK Summer’Firstly the traditional ‘Fat Bird’s uniform‘  is replaced by a pshycodelic maxi- dress, and open sandals showing off a lot more leg and hoof than I’d like to see. As these units pile into Sainsbury’s to stock up on Cornetto’s and party food, the rest of the general public are subjected to a impromptu glimpse of their ‘thighgina’

   Thighgina anyone?

  • Talking of shops…Summer happens every year (to a fashion), so why do all the drinks, ice creams and all things seasonal run out of stock? Its like every supermarket manager is taken by surprise every year that they might sell more cold drinks.  All the shops are busier…where have all these people been for the rest of the year? It’s like the job centre have handed out food vouchers!

  • Having put a bit of weight on myself, I now have first hand experience of chafing!  Thigh Chafe, Belly overhang chafe, sideboob chafe. Wearing a suit to work should be outlawed immediately, nobody should be getting through the amount of sudocream than I am using to soothe the sores caused by my clammy existence.
  • Melted Chocolate!…another schoolboy ‘shop’ error… why is the chocolate always near the window?
  • People out running when it get’s past 25 degrees is not a good look. Do these people not realise that ‘everything becomes visible in their spandex when they are parading like a hot mess of arse sweat and frizz?
  • Intimate shaving is a definite downside of summer, as the weather becomes ‘vest top-worthy’ there is that unenviable task of hacking away at the winter growth whilst trying to avoid the inevitable ‘ingrowing hair’.

Here are just a few things that I dislike about summer, but it still remains my favourite time of year and if it could be summer all year round, that would suit me just fine.

26 thoughts on “Summer Fails

  1. LMAO at Thighgina!!!!

    I feel for you on the chafing thing – it’s never fun to have to mop up sweat from all the creases and crevasses obtained by decades (in my particular case) of underactivity. A nice dusting with gold bond powder should allow any fleshy tectonic plates to float freely over one another, instead of grating whilst shifting.

    That, or dedicate yourself to remaining indoors and air-conditioned.

  2. I love the sun if I can jump in a pool or swim in the sea but not so much when I am stuck in work in a hot shop selling summer clothes! Luckily, I am just part-time so it’s not too bad. I get to have days off when I can go for lovely outings, eat too many ice-creams and generally have wobbly tummy problems too. Luckily, my thighs and pretty much the rest of me seem to be immune to my calorific intake. Poor tummy what chance has it got?

  3. Can I add – insect bites, men wearing socks with opened toed sandals, cricket, being served strange food by your brother-in-law from his BBQ (where’s the hot dogs and beef-burgers?), hay-fever, humidity, not being able to sleep at night….😀 Yes, I’m having a good old moan. Now, I don’t mind the summer, but when it goes over 25 degrees and your body gives you your own personal shower as soon as you step outside because it’s so humid, then I hate every moment of it. I’m much more of a Winter person. At least you can add clothes, rather than not being able to take anymore off because you’d get arrested.

    1. I agree with all of these…. I was going to say cricket!! And yes, those men that wear Jesus creepers with their white Umbro socks… vile.

      Are you going through the Menopause Hugh? ☺️

          1. If I lived in a humid country, I’d have been a completely different person. Nothing like Superman, more like Victor Meldrew sucking a lemon.

  4. Third time I’ve read this and I’m still laughing! 😉 I read a news post on FB the other day about a chap who was sent home to change from work because he wore shorts to the office in 32 degree heat!! He came back in a dress! I also spotted two school lads who did the same thing and wore their sister’s skirts to school for the same reason (well, that and the hope their video went viral!!). I think that’s bloody marvellous.

  5. I love the summer.. . But can’t cope with the heat… such a bad Indian I am! Cant even eat chillies!!!

  6. Summer is definitely my favorite time of year, although with menopause I have my own personal summers even when there’s two feet of snow on the ground and you have to set the house on fire for everyone else to stay warm. As the owner of a thighgina I’m proud to say I never expose the unwitting masses to it. That requires a level of cold heartedness I just can’t muster. Some things, once seen, cannot be unseen.

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