Alright cock, I heard you just got top job over’t water and having been’t most successful landlady of t’Rovers, I thought I’d teach you the ropes as nobody knows nowt better than me for pulling in’t punters. Get it? Got it?….Good!
As a former ‘Miss Weatherfield’, factory worker and barmaid, I , like you, wanted bigger and better things, and landed the Manageress’ job of t’Rovers Return in 1985. (After Annie Walker retired, I was voted in by the local residents – it was a clear victory).
I was hugely admired by everyone on’t Street, so I thought I would give you a few pearls of wisdom that will help you out, chuck, cause I saw more in my lifetime before I was 20 than you’ll probably see in your entire life- and I didn’t even leave my own back yard.
- Teamwork – It’s always good to have people that look out for ya chuck, and it works both ways…..don’t go building any walls between you and ‘t neighbours…you never know when you’ll need a kidney. I’ll never forget when ‘t Rovers burnt down…..if it weren’t for Sally and Kevin Webster….I’d be a gonna! Look after ‘t neighbours
- Boost people’s self esteem – You ‘ave to take an interest in the people beneath ya and stick up for them in times of need, I could tell you a thing or two about when I helped ‘our Liz MacDonald’ escape from her Jim…and even though Betty’s hotpot tasted like bowl of bin-juice..I still complimented her on her efforts. It’s not all about you Mr. Trump.
- Empathy – A good leader stands in the shoes of their people and sees things from their perspective, so it’s no good forking out on Ralph Lauren ‘get up’, when there’s nowt wrong with leopard print…tell Melania I’ve had some lovely bargains in C&A!
- Integrity -Leave the pussy alone love, if you want people to like ya, you’ll have to lead by example and stop fraternising with women. I learned a very good lesson myself when I was mucking about with Len Fairclough….Rita and I have never really spoken since.
- Gravitas – How can people take you seriously when you’ve got ‘mop on ya head ….I’ve always gone for a “Croydon Face lift’ when it comes to hair styling…always tidy and kept of t’face….and twitter?- for pity’s sake love…your the President not Katie Hopkins…gerroff it!! Spend less time being a racist bigot and more time in’t salon. Our Audrey would work wonders on ya love.
I hope you take my advice, I know how tough it is starting out…but mark my words chuck, if you do as I say…one day you may be just as successful as me.